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I have been reading posts late this week since Paula and I have been at events with Operation Military Kids, helping get our book We Serve Too!A Child’s Deployment Book, donated to their Hero Packs. When I read Leah’s post on Good Missions, I knew I had to ask you all a question. While we…
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Monthly Archives: January 2008This was our first actually talk since he’s been deployed! I feel so much better having heard his voice, eventhough it’s across the miles. I can honestly say that deployment is a tough road, but this makes it all a bit better! I’m learning so much! It is like a sweet release of emotion. I… I’m so happy for you!! I know you probably feel so much better just hearing his voice. God has the perfect timing for everything, doesn’t he? I am also happy for you!!! This is my first deployment and my husbands 3rd. This week I mailed my 1st package to him…I almost started crying in the Post Office…it took everything in me to hold on to the Promises and Faithful God I trust! I am sooo happy for you…Now you can sleep easy tonight. PSALM 91 Just a reminder from our Relationship Minute Guru and last week’s guest Sheryl Kurland. You can sign up for free, weekly email “Time-Tested Relationship Tips” from couples married 50 years or More at www.EverlastingMatrimony.com. To subscribe, just fill in your email address in the top right corner slot on almost every page. No personal information… I have been thinking about this a lot today. Especially since last nights show on Army Wife Talk Radio. How do we as military-married couples continue to grow individually and at a distance with out growing apart? I believe this can be done and with great determination. Like the guest Sheryl Kurland, author of Everlasting… Being creative and working hard to keep your marriage growing and enduring is important for any married couple, whether you’re going through deployments or just everyday life. My husband is a Navy reservist (a Seabee) who went through his first deployment last year when he went to Iraq. We will celebrate our 10 year anniversary this summer and I have to say, it feels very sweet indeed because we can look back and see those rough bumps and patches in the journey we’ve walked together so far. I would actually go as far in saying that the deployment was a big gift for us – it reminded us of what really matters; what’s really important. We worry less now about the house we live in or the cars we drive and more about the time we spend together and the way we spend it. It takes effort and it takes a commitment to make your marriage the priority. It also takes trust and communication. If you can try and touch each of these in your own marriage, you’re off to a good start. Because it’s not really about how or where you end up. It’s how you get there that really counts and that you get there together. I think every time we hit a bump and work through it, we get closer – we trust the relationship more. We went through some very rough times, during and after his first deployment. But we got through them and past them and it made us a stronger couple. Ditto for even the little things- when you get told something you do annoys him and you work to change it if possible, to make things better for both of you. Both hardships where we are at odds with each other, like disagreements, and hardships we face together, like deployments, bring us closer together every time we succeed. It’s is a particularly big deal to me, because my parents didn’t typically do so well at this kind of thing. My dad was married six times to five different women (he and my mom married each other twice!) and my mom is now on her fifth husband/sixth marriage, too (and somehow has the gall to give my sisters relationship advice, but that’s another blog). So even though we’re only a year and a half into the marriage (but 6.5 into the relationship), every time we work through something, it gives me more confidence in me, in him, and in us. And the same goes for him – he knew for sure he was going to marry me when, after his own emotional issues had caused us so much heartache, we got together again and something from the past reached up and bit him in the butt. And when I stuck by him through that, despite all I’d already been through, that was when he really relaxed into the idea that he could rely on me to face things with him. I think the separation actually brings us together, too, and it is one reason I don’t mind the Army life. We are apart from each other so much that when we’re together, we really appreciate one another more. We try not to sweat the small stuff. We’re more understanding of each other. Because we know the Army is going to yank us apart again, probably soon, so why start a fight about something that matters? Why not enjoy the time we’ve got together? I guess I had never put that one together; “Good” and “Missions”. To me missions only consisted of gun fire, humvee roll-overs and all out chaos! That’s what my crazy mind sees. However, that was only until yesterday. My sweet husband, after missing his call, left me a very encouraging message of the great things… Yes, don’t we wish. But too many are afraid that it softens the war, or makes it look good. Never mind that this is the least realistic reporting ever because so few are gutsy enough to go where the real action is and because of all the restrictions to spare faint-hearted Americans visions of what war is really like. But anyway. My missing my husband turned a corner this summer when he called to tell me about what he was doing that day. An insurgent had shot a mortar into their neighborhood that they control, and it hit a crowd of women and children outside a mosque. They were helping with triage and cleanup. And he was telling me about having to help get women with missing legs to the hospital, and about putting 3yo’s in body bags, and how he never wanted to have to put another child in a body bag. And I really thought – you know – my missing him and worrying isn’t so bad. Because I’m not having to miss my mom or my child because they died, and I don’t have to worry that walking down the street for me on an ordinary day might turn deadly (generally speaking.) It’s hard to feel sorry for myself when his presence makes such a life-or-death difference to other, innocent people. I signed up to be an Army wife knowing full well what I was getting into. Those moms and kids didn’t sign up be mortared outside their place of worship. He can help stop that. So I can handle the deployment. My husband is a civil affairs soldier in Iraq right now. In essence, all of his missions are “good missions” – humanitarian aid drops, medical ops, schools, power plants, sewage clean-up, etc. It took his family here a while to understand what he meant when he said he was going on a “mission”, so I can only imagine how long it would take the general public to understand that a good number of “missions” are really helping the Iraqi people and don’t involve bombing, shooting, etc. As for the media covering these stories, there are a number of small town reporters who embed with their local troops and cover the stories. But the national media outlets have shown little interest over all because the “violent headlines sell”. |
Have a great rest of the day!! Aletha© Army Wife Network 2005-2012 Individual blog posts and opinions are that of post author and do not necessarily reflect that of Army Wife Network. Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier are in no way affiliated with the Department of Defense (DoD) or any branch of the Armed Services and inclusion on this site does not reflect endorsement by the DoD, any local government or their agencies. |ProPhoto4 WordPress Theme by NetRivet Websites
Hmm..Well first of all I think that lady is EXTREMELY RUDE! I would have had a hard time telling her not to move to Canada or Iraq for that matter so she could help the little Iraqi children. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Really just thiinking about her saying that makes me mad. I would have responded just as you did and added that we send over school supplies and that we are making their country a better place to live for them for their future. But then again, you are a better person than I because FIRST I would have asked her what on EARTH would possess her to be so RUDE!
Okay, immediately about 5 profane words come to mind, but Jesus says I can’t use them! I can’t believe she had the gall to ask you a question like that. Sometimes us spouses just swallow their words and turn back a kind, ” The troops are doing lots for the iraqi children: providing a safer way of life, health care, goodies, etc.” Then kindly walk away!Sheesh! What can we do really? Some people just don’t get it! Stupid Media (not all, but most)!
I think you showed amazing restraint!!! I also liked your answer. I can never think of smart quips until about five minutes after the person walks away!! I probably would have been speechless.