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Someone tell me, am I crazy?
We are a few days away from my wife leaving for a TDY(Temporary Duty Assignment) at NTC(National Training Center) and….well…… I am looking forward to it. Does this make me crazy? Or weird?
The first 18 of our 21 months being an Army family were spent apart. During that time I wanted nothing more than to have my wife home with me. With our family. Yet for some reason with her preparing to leave for another 30 days I am kind of excited about it. I am kind of looking forward to it.
Seperation as a military family is expected. We knew there would be TDY’s following her redeployment. For awhile I was angry at the thought that they would take her away from us again. The first time she had to pull CQ Duty(Charge of Quarters/barracks) I was kind of annoyed. That night spent sleeping alone reminded me of the roughly 450 out of 520 nights I had just spent sleeping alone. Parenting alone. Living alone. So why am I looking forward to this extended time away from her? Why am I OK with our family being seperated again?
I can’t say for sure why I am looking forward to this(although leaving the toilet seat up and eating a big ol fatty steak come to mind),
but I think it’s because I want this brief reminder of what so many other families are going through with a deployment that lasts much longer and is in far worse conditions than what my wife will be in. I have multiple friends right now with their spouse deployed that I want to relate to. I want to be more empathetic to how they feel. I want to be reminded of how it feels so I can be a better friend to them. Someone who can “kind of sort of but not really” relate to their situation. In a nutshell, I want to be reminded of the Army way of life so I can better appreciate it and the people who serve. The people who serve overseas and the people who serve stateside. Waiting.
Because this is only a month and it is NTC and not a deployment to the Middle East or an unaccompanied tour to a foreign land, it pales in comparison to what others are going through, but for me, it just might be enough. Enough to allow me to put things into perspective.
On top of my desire to feel what my friends(and extended military family) may be feeling, I want to grow closer to my wife. I find to find that appreciation for her and our family that I had while she was gone previously. Over the last 8.5 months since she redeployed, I have definately fallen back into some of my old habits. I no longer long for all the things she does that annoy me, now they just annoy me. And the funny thing about all the annoyances, is they are the things I love most about her. They are the things that complete me.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I truly believe it does; at least for me. It only took a few months upon her return from Afghanistan that the honeymoon period ended. It only took a few months for me to forget why I missed her so much. And I am really hoping this TDY will rekindle in my heart the compassion, desire and affection for my wife.
So tell me…. am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks like this?
Am I Really Looking Forward to Her Leaving, AGAIN!?!,
Not crazy at all….although just because your wife isn’t.deployed right now doesn’t mean you can’t relate to the spouses that are currently going through a deployment. You have been there and experienced the worry, the sleepless nights, the hoping for that phone call.
When my husband leaves….I dread it, for the most part. But there is that small part of me that is looking forward to getting more projects done around the house like painting bedrooms and making quilts. I look forward to dinner dates or wine nights with friends. I look forward to going home and spending time with my family and friends. I get excited to be able to have cereal for dinner because since I don’t have kids, I don’t have to cook if I don’t feel like it. With that being said, I dread it more than I am excited about it. I would much rather have my husband have a TDY stateside and for a much shorter time. I dread the worry that makes my heart heavy the entire time.he is gone. I have my angry moments when he is deployed when it seems the world is falling apart around me which is the Murphy’s law of deployment. What can go wrong will go wrong during a deployment.
Nope. You are not crazy. And you are not alone. I hope though, that you will learn to rekindle the things you describe WITHOUT a separation. It is work, but it can be done. Sign me, Married 23 yrs, Army married for 19+.
Nope. You are not crazy. And you are not alone. I hope though, that you will learn to rekindle the things you describe WITHOUT a separation. It is work, but it can be done. Sign me, Married 23 yrs, Army married for 19+.
I don’t think you are crazy or weird…unless of course we are both crazy or weird, because I often feel the same way. For me, there are several reasons why I think this holds true. First, I love to be challenged. When my husband goes away or works a shift when he is unavailable, it gives me a certain sense of independence, a chance to test myself, to see how much I really can handle on my own. I think to often in a marriage, we learn to depend on each other for certain things and never step outside of that comfort zone. I like a certain sense of uncertainty in my day…it keeps me on my toes and makes every day a learning experience. Second, I relish time to myself. When my hubby is home, we are always together. And instead of lamenting the time we are apart, I chose instead, to pursue the things that I never seem to have time for, or rather, the things I won’t give up time with him to do. Even little things like watching back episodes of a TV show I know he doesn’t like. And finally, I don’t think I ever feel more in love with my hubby, than those first few moments when he returns after being away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and for me, being apart periodically, helps me to truly and honestly appreciate the time we are together. Adjustment and reintegration upon return is hard…always is. And it is something you both need to talk about and work on together. Hang in there…don’t be afraid to seek some counseling together if you need help having this conversation and figuring out a plan to keep your marriage strong. I wonder if your wife isn’t also having some of the same kind of feelings? And if all this makes us strange and weird…well, I’m right there with you.
I don’t think you are crazy or weird…unless of course we are both crazy or weird, because I often feel the same way. For me, there are several reasons why I think this holds true. First, I love to be challenged. When my husband goes away or works a shift when he is unavailable, it gives me a certain sense of independence, a chance to test myself, to see how much I really can handle on my own. I think to often in a marriage, we learn to depend on each other for certain things and never step outside of that comfort zone. I like a certain sense of uncertainty in my day…it keeps me on my toes and makes every day a learning experience. Second, I relish time to myself. When my hubby is home, we are always together. And instead of lamenting the time we are apart, I chose instead, to pursue the things that I never seem to have time for, or rather, the things I won’t give up time with him to do. Even little things like watching back episodes of a TV show I know he doesn’t like. And finally, I don’t think I ever feel more in love with my hubby, than those first few moments when he returns after being away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and for me, being apart periodically, helps me to truly and honestly appreciate the time we are together. Adjustment and reintegration upon return is hard…always is. And it is something you both need to talk about and work on together. Hang in there…don’t be afraid to seek some counseling together if you need help having this conversation and figuring out a plan to keep your marriage strong. I wonder if your wife isn’t also having some of the same kind of feelings? And if all this makes us strange and weird…well, I’m right there with you.
No way are you alone! Sometimes I crave being able to run my life without it hinging on homeskillet’s ETA. We’re often one deep on the homefront anyhow, so sometimes it’s nice not to have the expectation of awaiting an extra set of hands. And, you’re totally right. A routine CONUS TDY is no big deal when you compare it to the hardships and dangers of a deployment.
No way are you alone! Sometimes I crave being able to run my life without it hinging on homeskillet’s ETA. We’re often one deep on the homefront anyhow, so sometimes it’s nice not to have the expectation of awaiting an extra set of hands. And, you’re totally right. A routine CONUS TDY is no big deal when you compare it to the hardships and dangers of a deployment.
My husband is in a job now where there is no field time. I keep asking him if there is a TDY somewhere in the future!
Beautifully said!
Your not crazy! I hate that my husband has to leave and be away from me and the kids but at the same time I love that time apart. It gives us time to miss one another and have that romance in our lives. It really brings out his tenderness and it really makes us closer. The saying that when apart the heart will grow fonder is correct when it comes to us! I also love the act that I can do what I want with out his nagging! lol I can cook whatever I want, clean whenever I want, go places without thinking about accommodating him with the car. I have a free schedule! It has it’s perks and it doesn’t.
My husband and I got together an married after all of his deployments. So I never had that kind of separation. I do the same thing when he is gone to a school or some kind of training….tell myself that SO many others have it a lot worse than my little week or two or three. Still miss him like crazy when he is gone and don’t sleep well at all….but it’s only a short time not a year!
No you are NOT alone! I use to think that a couple of months ago or was it after my husband’s 2nd deployment? Hmm doesn’t matter bkus either way I was thinking the same way you did and I still do at times. My husband like your wife left a couple of days after we got married.We have been through 3 deployments and many nights and days apart after that. It was stressful at first but, after awhile I think I got USED to the feeling of being alone or by myself. I know it doesn’t sound right but sometimes I did wish he’d come home late or I could be just alone a little bit longer. Again u are not alone I think during these deployments we are able to see ourselves for who we really are and know what we are capable of without our spouses. We sometimes get USED to being alone or raising our family ourselves without another helping hand.So instead of wishing that she could be away or looking forward to be alone with your kids take TIME OUT for yourself. Go to the park, hangout somewhere or do something that YOU enjoy doing ALONE! I have found new hobbies while my husband was away so every time that I stress out I do the things that I want to do and I always let my husband know that things just aren’t the same as when we both got married. Sometimes we (spouses) change instead of our deployed loved ones or we change more then they do so they need to know just to clear the air or make things more understandable! AGAIN YOU ARE NOT ALONE OR CRAZY situations just CHANGED during the course of deployments and YOU are more independent NOW then you were when you first got married ^_^ GDLUCK WITH THE FAMILY!
I’m glad you wrote this, because I am feeling the same way! My husband leaves soon for 4 months of training (OCS) and I am actually excited! I have fond memories of his deployment (plenty of not so fond ones too) and I am looking forward to late night phone calls, texts, sending packages, and flying out to see him. The fact that he will be SAFE, only a few hours away, and coming home for Christmas makes this a more “fun” separation. I like to flex my super-mom muscles every now and again and fix the garbage disposal or drive 10 hours by myself with the kids. I’m excited for the next step in our life. I make a point of doing lots of fun things with the kids while he is gone. I’m excited for some of the adventures we have planned, and the oh-so-sweet reunion of when he comes home. I try to keep my feelings to myself, because I am going to miss him like crazy, and I don’t want anyone to misinterpret what I mean, but if we’re all nuts for looking on the positive side, then let’s all go nuts together!
military spouses are a special breed
IKR? So miss that. I don’t want him going back to being gone all week, But i could handle once a quarter!
Jajaaaa that’s funny.
Randy is too I’m loving it! Hope to see y’all soon!
All of you Army spouses are a special breed. I am proud to have been raised by one. The military is a special life. One thing you have to do is learn to be on your own sometimes. Maybe this is what affords Army spouses a stronger since of self. The only label you should carry is that all of you are amazing Americans and the backbone of all that is good in our country.
That’s gotta be one hell of a change for him! He never struck me as the kind of guy who would be content behind a desk 24/7. It’s probably killing him…
In my relationship i look forward to anytime my husband is away because we really get to see love we have for eachother throughout the distance yes sleeping alone isnt fun but it makes the relationship better and the intimate times 10x better
I agree!
No judging at all but I am SO surprised at how many people look forward to their spouses leaving. I get the whole thing about rekindling and what not but…I have never once been glad to see my husband go. I would never have thought that I was in the minority of that. Between deployments, TDY’s, schools and special assignments I always feel like my husband has been gone enough. I do appreciate that you can see the good side to her being gone though
I honestly have never wished to understand the sadness other families face. I’ve seen soldiers not come home, seen children not handle their parents being gone and seen soldiers come home and not be able to handle life. Those are things I would never wish on anyone.
Girl I don’t understand either. I want my husband w/ me.
Agreed! If they want their husband’s to leave, especially for deployment, then divorce them. I want mike with me! I couldn’t and wouldn’t wish a deployment on anyone’s spouse, father, or any other relative. Well, said Shawna!
Well, I’ll admit that when Len says he’ll be gone for a week, I get a little excited. I’ mean, that’s when I get to put the kids to bed and have the house all to myself in the evenings. Pure me time! It’s always fun until around 11 when I find myself falling to sleep on the couch because I don’t want to go to bed by myself.
I just have never had the need to have time where I’m alone. I know some people need that time to recharge when they can’t have others around. I still get excited every time I hear the door open when he comes home from work. Maybe I’m a puppy on the inside and just never realized it before!
hahahahahahah!
Hello! I am facebook friends with you, Mary! I can read your posts!
BWAWHAHAHAHA!!!!!