Name: April
Posts by arowsey:
- Our first we expected, we had plenty of time to prepare, but our second was a surprise to us!
- Our second one lasted 15 months and seemed to take forever and our third was only 9 months (which still seemed to last forever).
- It seemed like everything went wrong during our third one; my car broke down 3 times and I lost my Dad that year.
- Forrest Gump had it right when he said, “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get.”…this applies not only to “life” in general, but also to people you will meet. Some are fruity, some are nutty, some are sugary sweet, and some are refreshing to your very soul. What’s important is that you give everyone a chance and, in doing so, you give yourself a chance to get to know some really incredible people.
- “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” This is timeless advice that you probably heard as a kid growing up, but it’s never truer than when you are meeting new people. “Oh, she’s an ‘Officer’s wife’” or “She has tattoos and piercings and I’m not really into that” are not good reasons to avoid getting to know someone. You could be missing out on the opportunity to get to know an amazing person if you push closed a door before you get a chance to walk through and take a look around.
- Attend (almost) everything at least once. This will give you a feel of the local flavor of your Post and the activities it has to offer. If you’re a newly minted Army spouse, take the AFTB classes, and the FRG classes and anything else you can get your hands on that will help you learn about the Army and your community. And who knows who you might meet during the process! Pick up a calendar of events from your MWR and/or the Spouse’s Club and find something fun to attend. And then go.
- Attempt to forge a relationship with your Soldier’s Unit. We can all agree that it would be wonderful if the FRG group was dynamic and close knit (bonus points if they meet on the weekends around a camp fire to sing Kum Ba Yah with smores & hot dogs) but that’s not always a guarantee. However, I am resolved to at least make an attempt.
Memorial Day 101
May 26th, 2013Let’s talk for a minute about Memorial Day – as observed in the USA – what it IS and what it ISN’T.
I confess that my own understanding of Memorial Day prior a couple of years ago was fuzzy, at best. I knew that it always fell on a Monday and, not unlike Labor Day, meant an extra “free” day off of work. Yahoo! Who doesn’t like an extra day free from work?? An extra day means time for travel, cooking out and enjoying time with friends and family – on a boat or in a backyard. A day to be and to feel Patriotic. A day to fly Old Glory and a day to reflect on the military.
I’m embarrassed to admit: that.was.all.
A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to attend a formal military Memorial Day Ceremony for the first time. My now-husband invited me to attend the Ceremony which was held on-post at Ft. Riley. There was the customary pomp, to be sure, that comes along with any formal military event – the cavalry horses and riders, the soldiers on the hillside standing at the ready beside the cannons, the flags, the dress blues. We were seated – 2nd row – and the ceremony soon got underway. The Chaplain prayed, a distinguished guest spoke, cannons volleyed and a wreath was laid in honor of those who lost life in the line of duty. It was a very SOLEMN event…not unlike attending an actual funeral.
This year, the Day bears even more meaning to me as a newly minted Army spouse. Why? Because, in this past year, we (either my husband or my husband & me) have attended no fewer than 5 Memorials for fallen Soldiers. The immeasurable consuming grief felt by the families/friends/loved ones and the loss felt by the fellow Soldiers were very heavy – each and every one very raw and very real.
It is through this lens that I present to you the following:
Appropriate words to describe Memorial Day: solemn, reverent, sober, humbled, grateful and reflective
Inappropriate words to describe Memorial Day: happy, celebrating
Appropriate/best sentiments to express honor on Memorial Day:
(and these are actual posts from friends on Facebook)
“Remembering those who have given their lives for our freedoms. Freedom isn’t “free.” Sending much love and many prayers for the families left behind, and for Our Country. May God continue to richly bless Her.”
“Today we remember all of the men and women who have paid the ultimate price to defend our freedom. In doing so, we must also remember the Soldier that gave his life so that those same individuals (and all of us) could triumph over death. That Soldier is our Savior, Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory!!”
“Today we commemorate those brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice for the American ideal.”
“Humbled & grateful for the sacrifice so many have made for this country & our way of life. May we strive this day & all days to honor their sacrifice by being willing to make ones we are called to make.”
“Every day we owe honor and respect to all those who have and do serve. Today we give special thanks to the many who have given the ultimate sacrifice of life in defense of our great country. Their courage, bravery and dedication should inspire us daily to live a life of service to honor their sacrifice.”
OK/semi-appropriate sentiments on Memorial Day:
“We are thankful for those who are serving our country.” *
Completely inappropriate sentiments for Memorial Day:
“Happy Memorial Day”
“happy memorial day everyone! Lets take a minute to remember the fallen today as we are bbqing and hanging out with family/friends.” **
* What makes these types of sentiments less appropriate for Memorial Day remembrance? While it is always generous and wonderful to express gratitude to/for current service members, there is a special day for that: it’s called Veterans Day. Memorial Day, on the other hand, is the unique day to remember the Fallen/deceased who served our Nation’s interests in wars past and present, domestically and abroad.
** Yes, this was actually written on Facebook (not by a personal friend). There are two unfortunate parts to the comment: 1. The use of the word “happy” … 2. The encouragement for us to take a few minutes from our BBQ/fun day to remember. Talk about the tail wagging the dog! Now I love BBQ just as much as the next gal but someone really should inform this person that this is a day of remembrance, not a day of BBQ (hence it is called “Memorial Day” and not “BBQ Day.”).
It should also go without saying that this is not a “happy” day or occasion…just as you would not dream of saying, “Happy Holocaust Remembrance Day,” you should refrain from wishing others a “Happy Memorial Day.” In sum, this Day is about singular reflection on those who made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of our Nation’s interests at home and abroad, past and present. It is a day that we observe and remember, but do not “celebrate.”
For helpful tips on how to best observe Memorial Day, you may click HERE or just Google the matter. Hope this helps!
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…
April 28th, 2013ARMY DEPLOYMENT.
Wait, what???
Last Fall, we were fairly certain my husband would receive orders for a Deployment – by no means his first, but OUR first as a married couple. Naturally, I chose to deal with this situation in typical fashion (for me): I asked anyone and everyone in our community for advice on how to navigate a Deployment. The more I dug, the more nuggets of wisdom were unearthed and, at some point, I noticed a small trend: Asking a military spouse about a deployment is really akin to asking about a pregnancy…although Army Deployments, in this day & time, are much more inevitable than pregnancy…
Shaking your head in disbelief? Consider the following statements spoken by a few military spouses I know:
There’s no disputing it: Deployments are significant events in any military couple’s life. Time gets measured and marked in a completely different fashion than during “normal life.” Each one has its own different feel and unique set of life experiences (usually challenges and growing pains). They are intimate experiences and they can be full of anxiety and worry. Sometimes spouses meet the experience head-on with the confident assurance that, “Yes; I can do this!” while others may just cope the best way they can and might even worry, “Can I really do this?” We seek out the comfort and companionship of others in our same situation and share stories, encouragement, and support. Some spouses share every detail of the experience through social media…and others tend to bear the burden in a more quiet, private fashion.
Deployments are unforgettable experiences which often provide access to the full spectrum of human emotions: from outright fear to isolation/loneliness to the excitement of anticipation. It is difficult to put into words all that a Deployment is…because each one is unique. Though I never imagined that my life story would include the Deployment of a loved one; it is, by no means, a unique story. In the 238 years (this year) that the US Army has existed, countless spouses have sent loved ones away from home to support our Nation’s interests. This will be my first experience with my husband’s upcoming Deployment, and I am feeling prepared (as much as possible), confident (on the good days) and even a good bit of sadness (that’s ok to admit, right?). But I am thankful for the role models/giants who have gone before me and shown me how to do a Deployment right. I am also thankful for the support that I will have; my friends and family are second-to-none! I hope this will be a year of great personal growth…and I can’t wait for it to start soon (so that it can also end soon!).
Much love to those who are keeping the home fires burning – thank YOU for YOUR service and sacrifice!
April
An Introvert’s Guide to Getting to Know Others
March 28th, 2013It seems like every where I turn lately, there’s discussion about the topic of “connectedness,” that is, how engaged {or how lonely} we may feel as military spouses.
Whether it’s on message boards that I follow, or in Facebook discussions, or even in face-to-face conversations that I have with spouses new to our Post, I am hearing the same thing: it can be incredibly difficult to establish and maintain friendships with others.
And this really tickles me to no end because, let’s face it – as Army spouses, we are a part a dynamic community and our diversity is second-to-none! The Army is literally filled to the brim with spouses who have some of the most incredible talents and experiences. Not to mention that we have world-class programs, organizations, events and groups with which we can participate.
And it would be so tempting for me to say to you, “Just get out there and make friends!”
However.
My experiences and ways of making friends could be similar to yours, or they may be totally different. And that is OK. What’s most important is that you know what kinds of friends you’re hoping to meet and how you plan to engage with others in meaningful ways.
As a naturally leaning introvert, here’s a list of things I like to keep top-of-mind when thinking about how engage with others:
So, there you have it – my list at a glance. Since I am a naturally leaning introvert, some things are less comfortable for me…and it does require effort. But the payoffs have been great and it’s an investment I’m absolutely willing to make.
So, what do you think? What ways have you found to get involved and become connected? What helpful tips can you offer to new or struggling spouses?
Be blessed!
April
The best advice I ever received
February 28th, 2013Are you the kind of person who cringes when given advice?
I used to be that person.
When I was 17.
But, since then, I’ve learned that there comes a point in time when a bit of well-meaning advice can go a long way in making life a little bit smoother…and this is especially true when dealing with the complexities of military life.
Since marrying into the Army a little more than 14 months ago, I have been richly blessed to have had some of the most amazing Army spouses take me under their wing and do what needed to be done: gently mold me into someone who could actually pass as a legitimate Army wife!
What are some of the best resources that have helped you along your own journey? Maybe it was a friend, a mentor, a group or club? Maybe you grew up as an “Army Brat” and you received everything you needed to know a little along the way while growing up? Maybe it’s even an online resource (the Army Wife Network, perhaps?), a blog, or a book?
I’m more than glad to give you some of the best “sharable” resources I can recommend, here’s what’s on my bookshelf:
The standard, go-to Army Wife Handbook. Sure, it’s green and looks like it just stepped out of the 1940’s but it’s tough to beat for a basic introduction to all things Army-wife-related! At nearly 400 pages, the breadth of topics is really quite impressive. But, even in all its “Updated and Expanded” second edition glory, don’t expect for it to cover many topics in great depth. Still, a great foundational read for new Army spouses seeking more information about Army customs & courtesies. I will especially cherish my copy that was gifted to me by an exceptional military wife!
The Army Wife Handbook
1001 Things to Love About Military Life. This little charmer falls squarely into a category I’d affectionately call, “educational entertainment” or “Edu-tainment” for short. This book has universal appeal for brand new Army spouses, seasoned Army spouses, and those who are just curious about the Army lifestyle. It provides inspiring motivation and a call to focus on what’s good & positive about our unique community and lifestyle. It also highlights practical ways to manage our lifestyle, addressing topics that range from finding our own battle buddy to creative suggestions for sending thoughtful care packages. I received my complimentary copy at one of the AWN Field Exercise Events last year at Fort Riley – it’s a must read and I guarantee it’ll put a smile on your face.
1001 Things to Love About Military Life
Now You Tell Me!: 12 Army Wives Give the Best Advice They Never Got. This one is next in the lineup on my reading list! The main reason I was initially interested in reading this book is because one of the authors is someone I know and work with in our local spouse’s club (Hi, Frances, if you’re reading this!). This book is a wonderful behind-the-curtain peek into how real Army wives process the Army experience over an expanded career. It is a rare luxury to hear so directly and so candidly from those who have truly, “seen it all!” Two of the authors sat down recently for an interview on Army Wife Talk Radio, if you listen in, you’ll get a good glimpse into the heart and spirit of what the authors bring to this book.
Now you tell me!
And there you have it, a good glimpse at what’s supplemented my Army wife learning. Of course, my most favorite way to learn is through direct conversation so I really have to acknowledge all those who have poured countless hours into my “education,” I am so lucky to have you!
And, I am curious, what’s helped you process and progress through your own Army journey?
I do hope you’ll share what’s worked for you – it may be just the very thing someone else needs to know about!
Be blessed! ~ April
Goal Setting:: Motivation
January 28th, 2013
Hi Army spouse peeps!!
It is now the final week of January – and most of those who generated resolutions will have strayed from or modified them by this point in time. How is everyone doing? 
This month we may need to take a step back and figure out what’s holding us back from reaching our goals. To find the answer to that, we’ll need to dig deep into the psyche. Because, let’s be honest, we all should be physically capable of achieving the reasonable goals we set for ourselves.
So what is the source that fuels your motivation?
Is your motivation is to “skinny-size” yourself for an upcoming event (say, a High School Reunion)…or is your goal to become healthy and a positive role model for your kids? While both are fine and admirable goals, the latter is much more likely to inspire you to get started as well as encourage you to stay the course for the long run.
Consider another example: when I clean my home for unexpected company, things tend to get shoved into drawers and pushed into closets. Though my home may appear very neat and organized, it is just an illusion. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve lost by “cleaning” in this fashion! For my home to become truly orderly, genuine effort to sift, sort, shred and store is what’s required. It depends upon a resolute commitment to organization…and not just a short-cut process for appearances’ sake!
So it is with any goal we wish to pursue. A properly framed change should motivate, encourage and inspire…for the long term.
Your next step is to make sure that your motivation is TANGIBLE. Do you long to fit into your favorite pair of blue jeans that haven’t been worn in a season or two? Pull them out. Try them on. And then leave them out in an obvious place to remind you of your goal. If your goal is to become more organized, take a neon post-it note and place it on the cabinet, drawer or on a door to an entire room (!) to remind you that today, this day, is the day you will finally tackle the problem situation. If your goal is to write, set a timer to help keep you on track. If your goal involves being more positive, write yourself notes including things (and people) for which you are thankful, and maybe even include positive, inspirational quotes. Your Smartphone may be a wonderful resource to you – there are plenty of apps to help manage fitness goals, plan healthy menus & shopping lists, enhance personal productivity and improve organization. A quick Google search will help you find which ones work best for you.
A word of caution here: take care not to spend too much time in research. You wouldn’t want to be that person who, like my husband, spends more time researching and reading about running than actually running. And I am forced to admit that, as much as I’d love to claim that buying a gorgeous new set of cookware would be the perfect motivation for me to learn to cook, keeping our current cookware set will serve our needs just fine. Wink wink.
Good luck y’all. And drop me a line to let me know what keeps you inspired & motivated to reach your goals!
XO ~ April