Posts by Star:
AWTR Show 423: The Making of an American Military Family
June 10th, 2013
Army Wife Talk Radio is the leading internet talk radio show for Army wives, by Army wives. AWTR is hosted by the Army Wife Network Core Team – www.ArmyWifeNetwork.com. AWTR guests bring exciting, relevant topics and resources to the attention of our military families.
Main Guest: Alison Buckholtz, author “Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War”.
Resource of the Week: Military Kids Connect
AWTR Show 422: Secrets of Surviving Infidelity
June 3rd, 2013
Army Wife Talk Radio is the leading internet talk radio show for Army wives, by Army wives. AWTR is hosted by the Army Wife Network Core Team – www.ArmyWifeNetwork.com. AWTR guests bring exciting, relevant topics and resources to the attention of our military families.
Main Guest: Dr. Scott Haltzman, author “The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity”
Resource of the Week: Time2SaveWorkshops.com
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog.
MilSpouse Profile: Starlett Henderson or “Star” (like up in the sky)
May 31st, 2013This month we were given assignments at Loving A Soldier, because it was Military Appreciation Month and most of us are military spouses who were honored by Military Spouse Appreciation Day mid-month. Our assignments were to profile spouses who inspired us and then profile ourselves. My part 1 was a celebration of milspouse trailblazers Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer and now (hopefully) you will allow me to share some things about me you may not already know in Part 2.
Name:
Short answer: “Star”
Long answer: Starlett Ava (Green) Henderson
My daughter took this picture trying to put a smile on my face. It worked.
How long have you been with your service member:
Short answer: 22 years and 3 months
Long answer: David and I met in Junior High. I was in Junior High; he was in High School. We started dating after I wrote daily letters to him at Basic Training. He was just a friend and dating someone else, but I was quite enamored with him and his desire to serve his country.
Later on we dated for four years and were engaged on the four year anniversary of our first date. We married six months later.
So, I have been married to the military for 17 years and 9 months.
Your favorite duty station:
Short answer: Fort Huachuca, AZ
Long answer: I loved Fort Jackson where I went to Basic Training. I think I would have loved being there with my family. They have the hugest pine cones! It also was the greenest birthday I ever remember. Being a little girl from a little frozen world, I was quite impressed with the green and lushness of South Carolina.
Together, we loved Fort Huachuca. It was fun to say. It’s warm, all the time!
It was our first duty station as a family, even though it was just for training, just for a short time.
We got to go to Mexico, the Grand Canyon, Tombstone, Bisbee ( a town that shares a mining history with the town we grew up near in Michigan we found out later), and Sedona where we think we’d like to retire.
Your most challenging duty station:
Short and Long answer: We do try and make every post our favorite post, and if we’re together, it usually is. For that moment.
What most inspires you:
Short answer: Stars
Long answer: I don’t mean to be hokey, but a long time ago I decided to embrace the teasing — “Twinkle, twinkle little star” — themed gifts, and saying my name over the phone like this: “Star. Like up in the sky!” But it’s more than that.
Stars represent offspring in the Bible. I love my offspring. They inspire me to be a better woman and mother. Stars even sing and praise God, who calls them by name, in the bible.
Stars represent dreams as in “Reach for the stars.”
Then you have the 50 stars that represent the 50 states. I am patriotic, so I like that stars have that “connotation” as well. I love this quote about the US flag and its stars.
“The star is a symbol of the heavens and the divine goal to which man has aspired from time immemorial…”
My usual answer is Faith, Family, and Friends. Let’s pretend each of those are represented by stars today. That is what inspires me.
If you could go back and tell your new-to-Army-life self any piece of advice, what would it be?
Short and Long answer again: See here. Our whole team has shared some of our best pieces of advice for Newbies. I did tell one of my favorite newbies, from a long time ago, “Don’t just ask your question once. Ask it three times. The right answer is usually somewhere in the middle.” I don’t think that’s documented on the New to Army Wife Life page.
Share a favorite blog or website that inspires, helps or entertains you:
Short answer: There are too many to name. The only one I make a point of checking if I haven’t seen a post in awhile is LauraVanderkam.com, where author of 168 Hours: You have More Time Than You Think and All the Money in the World resides.
Long answer: I blog here on LovingASoldier.com and over at LoveMilitaryLife.com (1001 Things to Love About Military Life‘s home). On ArmyWifeNetwork.com we maintain a list of “featured blogs” so I peruse those regularly. There are a lot, and like I said, there are too many to say one is my Favorite.
Let me do this though. You can’t miss with these:
For faith www.faithdeployed.com and www.wivesinbloom.com
For family http://militaryblog.militaryavenue.com/ and http://thealbrechtsquad.blogspot.com/
For friends www.lovingasoldier.com and www.herwarhervoice.com/blog
Does that work? I’d love to hear from you. How would you answer these questions? And, do you have any more questions for me?
Looking forward,
Starlett “Star” Henderson
CoFounder, Army Wife Network
CoAuthor, 1001 Things To Love About Military Life
2011 FINRA Foundation Military Spouse Fellow
Celebrating Military Spouses Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer
May 29th, 2013Kathie and Holly were military spouses before Military Spouse Appreciation Day was ever first proclaimed. They are milspouse trailblazers and proud of it. I’m proud of how our relationship (with respect to Tara, me, and both of them) has grown since first learning of them and hearing them right “here” on Army Wife Talk Radio, when our show count was in the 50s. So, when Loving a Soldier bloggers were asked to talk about military spouses who influenced them, i.e. me, I knew who I would feature (x2).
One milspouse told Kathie and Holly on an evaluation form that they were like peanut butter and jelly. They are so different, but they definitely go together. Some people say the same thing about Tara and me. She and I are black and white: a classic combo but from two different ends of the spectrum. We credit Kathie and Holly with a lot of what we know. They are our mentors.
They are authors – “Help! I’m A Military Spouse I get a life too”
Look for a 3d edition coming out in September under a new title, Military Spouse Journey: Discover the Possibilities & Live Your Dreams, with new stories, new resources, but same timeless research-based insights and content.
They are our coauthors – “1001 Things to Love about Military Life”
This book and their other one are both on the First Lady of the Marine Corps Recommended Reading List. The list bears its own acronym, FLOMCRRL, and is said “flomcurl”. I had to ask Holly. Find the list here: http://www.lovemilitarylife.com/its-finally-happening.
They are our teachers. For this feature, I’d like to share with our readers what I have learned from them and invite you all to “look them up” on their website, www.militaryspousehelp.com; or our website together, www.lovemilitarylife.com. They are equal opportunity frienders.
Lesson one: Count all the good things.
Holly — When I put my head on the pillow every night I count all the good things that happened that day. Sometimes I have to really stretch to come up with something good, but I’ve never been able to say nothing good has happened. Good things are happening all the time, sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and refocus.
Cheryl Richardson’s work, and one of her books Extreme Self Care, has been very instrumental in helping me to embrace being good to myself.
Extreme Self Care sounds like a full job in and of itself. Holly should know with her full life helping military spouses on top of taking care of her handsome husband and twin teenagers. She takes care of me a-plenty, and for that I am extremely grateful.
Lesson two: Be mindful.
Holly — With my chaotic lifestyle as a mother, I have to really focus on the simple joys of life and be really mindful to notice those little things that happen during the day.
Kathie — Stop to smell flowers. Get outside in nature (the Japanese call it “forest bathing”) … be it at the ocean, in a forest, or even just to walk around a community … and actually stop to smell flowers. Really!
Lesson three: Be good to yourself.
Kathie — After years of talking about it, I made yoga a true practice, starting with the goal of at least 10 minutes a day, even if it was split up throughout the day. Over time it became something that grounds me, helps me to breathe, and improves my flexibility, strength and balance. I now attend a class once a week when I can and I average about 20 minutes a day at home.
A little yoga, goes a long way for her. I don’t do yoga, but Kathie and I are similar in other ways. We are both the introverts of the bunch. That can and cannot work well with public speaking as a career. I watched and listened to Kathie about how she takes care of herself and balances the two, so I could do the same. Twenty minute naps are my daily standard, and with that recharge, I can speak and speak and speak some more about the ways being good to yourself pays off.
Lesson four: Be true to yourself.
Holly — Figure out your priorities, your goals. Do not blindly follow someone else’s. There’s no such thing as the Perfect Military Spouse, and no one way to do this life.
Kathie loves quoting a revered psychologist who once said, “Stop shoulding all over yourself.” I laughed the first time I heard her say it too. Recently, with their support, I have really decided to be who I am, not who others think I should be. What one person may see as all-business (too much so) another will find professional. What one person may see as aloof and uncaring another may see as thoughtful and introspective. What they think has more to do with who they are, not me. And though we were not “put here by ourselves” like Holly says every chance she gets, we also were not put here for everyone either. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s a good thing.
Lesson five: Choose friends who embrace this life.
Holly — In the beginning of my married life as a military spouse, I’m sure my husband felt powerless and completely miserable every time I opened my mouth with another complaint. The worst thing I did was to gather with other military spouses who would join in on the complaints. We were in this massive negative spiral, and the power of negativity was extremely overpowering. We were the “Ain’t it Awful Club.”
It wasn’t until I made the conscientious effort to choose friends who had embraced this life and were positive in their approach that my life started to change. I gathered with other military spouses who wanted to move forward with their goals, we provided each other with support, encouragement and accountability
Lesson six: Be proactive.
Kathie — I would have been way more conscious and proactive about my life from the get go. I didn’t start setting goals or creating a plan for how I wanted my life to be or taking action until my 30s. I wasted so much time before that complaining and not stepping up to change my situation. If I knew then what I know now I would not accept my first assumptions or perceptions, about people or about what was available in a particular place or of what was possible. I would have asked more questions and asked of more people, rather than settling for the first answer I received. I would have stepped out to figure out what was available and interesting in every new assignment, exploring quickly and connecting to community. And I would definitely start a Dare to Dream team immediately, and with every new assignment. Those teams have changed my life in so many ways, in all aspects of my life.
What’s a Dare to Dream team? It’s battle buddies growing together in a systematic, accountable way. It’s a lot to go into, but if you read their book and this article, you’ll get a lot of your questions answered. I dare ya!
There are so many more lessons Kathie and Holly are good for.
Kathie says we can learn from each other. She’s a teacher and a “student” who tries to read every book written by a military spouse that comes out. From them, she almost always learns at least one new thing or at least nods in understanding and connection, laughing and crying along with the milspouse authors sharing their stories. Kathie and I both LOVE to read more than almost anything else.
Holly embraces her fears and shared one journal entry with me on the subject, which basically reminds her to use dreams not fears as fuel to drive her every day. She did say it gets better with age in that we become gentler on ourselves and others. When you get embarrassed or mess up, apologize sincerely and GET OVER IT. Boy, have I taken her up on that advice more than a few times.
I hope you can see how to apply their lessons in your life as I have. And not just me, but many, many workshop participants and readers tell them that they have changed lives for the better. It’s a beautiful thing watching military spouses who have come into their own and who still have the energy, creativity, and generous spirit to help others come into their own too.
Kathie and Holly are beautiful people. I am happy you and I got to know them both a little bit better.
For more of their wit and wisdom, you can download the previous Army Wife Talk Radio shows
they have joined us for:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/awtr/2011/11/22/awtr-show-342-1001-things-to-love-about-military-life.mp3
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/awtr/2008/08/05/army-wife-talk-radio-show-173-week-of-aug-4-2008.mp3
AWTR Show 420: The Art of the Visit
May 20th, 2013
Army Wife Talk Radio is the leading internet talk radio show for Army wives, by Army wives. AWTR is hosted by the Army Wife Network Core Team – www.ArmyWifeNetwork.com. AWTR guests bring exciting, relevant topics and resources to the attention of our military families.
Main Guest: Kathy Bertone, author of The Art of the Visit
Resource of the Week: Author Ron Whittington talks about writing a book
Click here to download the MP3
Visit Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier Blog