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Hello Ladies! Hope everyone is doing well! We are anxiously awaiting spring here!
First, let me start off by saying how much I have enjoyed helping out with our company’s FRG! It has been quite rewarding. I always look forward to our activities and the chance to see my husband and his fellow soldiers. It always renews my respect and gratitude that I have for all the men and women that join the armed forces! I’ve met so many wonderful people over the last 7 years, and in that I find comfort knowing the people my husband will be deployed with.
So, because we are a Guard unit, we have people spread out in all sorts of directions. (I think this is the main thing that I miss about regular Army.) Although I go to all the activities, not a lot of other spouses do. I haven’t had the chance to get to know very many other spouses. We have about 5 women who usually show up to the activities. And it’s always the same ones! We would love to start having more wives come out to the activities so we can get to know them a little more and start building a true support system that they can turn to while our husbands are gone. We’ve tried so many things to get them to come, nothing seems to work! We send emails out and send messages home with spouses, but the results are never great. In the coming months, we have some great get-to-know you activities planned, we just need people to get to know!
We’re hoping that the soldiers start showing a little more interest in having their spouses come out at the very least to get all the useful information we have for them. Do any of you ladies have any advice or suggestions?
God Bless, Cindy
I have been an Army wife for 5 months, and my husband has been deployed for 4 of them. I have only attended one FRG event as of yet. My FRG leader didn't even introduce herself to me, there weren't enough seats for everyone and I had to sit with my kids in another area entirely. FRGs have really bad reputations around here. I hope yours is different but so far, I don't care to spend time with anyone I've met on base.
These reasons are just for me, but since you asked… Sometimes I don't go to FRG meetings because I know there's nothing important to discuss. If it doesn't involve news of my soldier, sometimes I have better things to do. Second, I work during the day. FRG meetings held at say, lunch, aren't worth it to me because by the time I get there, the meeting is over and I missed out on my lunch period on the way to the base.
A reason I've heard from others is that sometimes there's no child care, and that watching your kid while you're trying to listen is embarassing and distracting. They say it would be better to get a phone call then schlep their kids to a meeting where they have to sit and be quiet and don't understand why. Also, sometimes its about things they don't want their kids to hear.
That's just my opinion though, I'm sure you've heard these before.
The honest, blunt truth…hope for a deployment.
Okay, I know that's ridiculous and something you would never do. In my experience as a NG wife, the only time there is a surge of spouses/families/friends that attend FRG meetings/events is when there is a deployment.
My husbands unit deployed to Katrina and (I wasn't in the picture at the time, but I was told) the FRG attendance skyrocketed. As soon as the soldiers returned home, it went back to only a handful of wives. I joined the FRG and there were only 5-10 of us in regular attendance. As soon as the unit deployed attendance went up to 30-50 members. And it didn't happen until the soldiers actually deployed.
When the unit is home we tried to have events and regular meetings, but to no avail. Unfortunately, the regs make it really hard to do much. The FRG is really meant to flourish in an Army community. Without that community you are so limited in what you can do to keep up the interest so people will stay involved.
Good luck!
I think it's hard when the unit isn't deployed. My husband has been active Army for 6+ years but never deployed until recently. Our FRG was awful. There basically was no FRG. There were no activities, no phone calls, no events or emails. I wanted (and needed) support but it wasn't there. Now I'm in the opposite situation in that we have an active FRG because his unit is deployed but I'm not at his duty station so I can't get involved. I think that it's probably easier to get spouses involved when there's a deployment coming up but it's tough otherwise, especially when everyone isn't centrally located around one post. Can you plan some fun kids' events (Easter egg hunt maybe?) to draw them out? I know that I greatly underestimated the value of support from my fellow military spouses until now when I'm stuck in the middle of this deployment.
I would like to get involved, but my husband thinks we'll just be “volunteered” for a bunch of stuff. We live off-post, so I haven't really met anyone. He will deploy in a few months and I'll be here by myself.
I know that FRG's get alot of compliants. Being an FRG leader in the past, it's hard work to keep and FRG running. The purpose of FRG is to help provide information a Family Member needs…it's not to CATER to people's needs. It's not a babysitter, a taxi, or bank.
It's to support and give thanks for our Soldiers and give the materials/websites/local information to HELP achieve and support the FAMILY MEMBERS —with the end result of letting our Soldiers do their job.
If there is no childcare during FRG, look into CDC providing childcare…you'd have to pay. Or volunteer to become the FRG childcare coordinator.
If you are a resourceful person–then maybe you don't need to attend FRG meetings…but then their are some spouses that are not resourceful…so you being at the FRG, making contacts and friends…again you're helping your fellow members.
Remember all FRG members are volunteers and give their time to make a better unit and Army family in general.
And if they are not doing their job…complain and find ways to make it better. Maybe that is what your current FRG needs….a volunteer who cares and wants to help rather than destroy.
Thanks for your responses ladies! My husband will actually be deploying soon so I guess that's why we're baffled by the lack of interest in our FRG. I got some good suggestions over at the facebook page also! There were a lot of mixed emotions on this which is something I wasn't expecting!
Jennifer, don't be afraid to volunteer, I think it's an awesome opportunity to get to know other spouses and give back to the soldiers!:)
here is my response on facebook:
Hey ladies! I wanted to thank you all for responding to my previous post on FRG and attendance! You girls are great and I want to thank you all for what you do to support your soldiers and their fellow soldiers! Let me start off by saying how much FRG means to me, not necessarily because of what I do, but because of what it means to me. FRG is a way for me to give back to the soldiers that give so much to me. It's a way for me to support them and their families, it's a way for me to get to know the soldiers that will be working side by side with my husband, and it's a way for me to get to know the families or those soldiers.
I am not the FRG leader, my SIL is. She has done this pretty much on her own for a while. Our commanders wife has helped out a lot since she came to the unit, the supply NCO's wife helps out a lot whenever she can, and I help out as much as I can. We would love to get to know all the wives so everyone knows they have someone to turn to for help that knows exactly what they're going through. We want them to have as much information on hand so they feel a little more prepared before the soldiers leave. But more than anything we want them to know that someone cares and appreciates THEIR sacrifice.
I can tell there is a lot of emotion on this subject, something I didn't expect. But I read all of your comments and it has opened my eyes on this matter. Thank you all again! I can see where all of you are coming from. I think there are some preconceived notions out there about FRG, some are warranted. It makes me sad that some of you don't have the support that is meant to be had from your FRG's. I believe that the point to FRG is support, everything else should be “perks”. And if it is supposed to be a social club, it definitely shouldn't be exclusive to certain people. It should never be demeaning to anyone. I'm so sorry to all the ladies who have had a horrible experience! I'm glad that there are people out there who seem to have good feedback from their FRG!
I want to make sure the ladies in our unit walk away with a good experience from our FRG. So here is what I have gathered from your comments:
Calling is much better and more personal than email.
Try to include some fun activities.
Don't forget about the women who live far away, find a way to support them.
Try to figure something out about childcare so more wives are willing to come and participate.
Make sure it doesn't become about “cliques”.
Make sure everyone walks away knowing that the FRG is here to help and support them, not to look down on them.
If anyone has negative feedback, listen and ask how we could improve or help.
Keep all the ladies informed!
Get to really know the ladies!
The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 03/04/2010 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.
I feel your pain. I understand completely. It is like that on a Bn level as well. I do kid friendly get togethers, coffees newsletters, emails you name it we are lucky if we get 4 or 5 people to get involved. No one wants to help out or attend. We had a huge party once and 150 people RSVPed to say they were coming and bringing food and only 60 people showed up. Even if I send out an email and ask for a reponse still nothing, it got so bad my husband held a meeting and gave a lesson in RSVP Manners. I don't know what to tell you except it is everywhere even my friends who are stationed all over are going through the same issues. They are lucky to get 4 or 5 people show up.
I would recommend having FRG meetings off post for those who don't live on post. I would also recommend having it on a sunday evening around 4pm, when most people don't work or have bday parties to attend. It's also a great idea to open FRG to people other than just wives. FRG stands for family readiness group and what some people consider family can be a wide range of people. Try to include the parents, aunts, close friends, grandparents, and even girlfriends (some gf's are more involved than some of the wives I've met…). Having the FRG meetings off base will allow all other family members to join in on the fun and you might find some REALLY helpful extended family members that have just been waiting to reach out and help and get a support group of their own. Remember, it's not just wives that need support… A deployment is just as hard on a mother and father as it is on a spouse… Food for thought!
I'm new to this blog, but I just have to comment here. My husband is army and deployed. We have 4 young children and I homeschool my oldest, first grade. I have found FRG to be virtually non-existent. I have a good network of ladies from PWOC and if it were not for friends from post and pwoc, I don't know what I'd do. As far as expecting FRG to be a babysitter, taxi, or bank, that's so not what we need. But, when there is no break in sight and you have to go to the doctor and you can not get a sitter, CDC is a complete joke. There is never space available and childcare is not offered for homeschooled kids. I'm not asking for a babysitter for free and to be catered to, but for emergencies, there really should be more support for the families of deployed soldiers. I have completely withdrawn my children from CDC because the enormous hassle of trying to get 4 kids in for a physical just to fill out the paper work to register them every year. It takes so long that 4 months goes by and now you only can use CDC for 8 more months and then repeat the process again – with no childcare -while filling out all the information in a teeny tiny office that's so not kid friendly! It's just easier to hire a nanny service and pay through the nose when you absolutely need help. If I even did hear of any kind of FRG on my post, I don't know if I'd even go because it's a job to get 4 little ones out of the house, go to a meeting with out childcare and listen to information that mostly does not pertain to me. I agree in that I would rather get a phone call if there is information I need to know. FRG also needs way better marketing.
Good luck with your meetings. I hope FRG can be something families will benefit from.
To the anonymous I don't know which post you are at. At Fort Stewart our CDC DOES allow Homeschooled kids for FRG meetings, doctors appointments, emergencies, etc. As a Battalion Advisor I make sure that the families that I know homeschool realize that this is available for them. Also, don't forget that some of this is free during deployments. Good luck and don't give up.
Im an army wife of 7 years now and i have had two experiances with frg.. one.. it was really awesome, the ladies always kept us informed and up todate.. and the other where before i became the leader there wasnt an frg.. in that case i volenteered to be the leader. I have found it tough as the unit im a leader for is a non deployable unit. Its a Drill Sareant unit.. im lucky to have 3 people at the meetings.. its very fusterating!
Been an army wife over 12 years and have been FRG leader in many levels. It is so hard to get anyone to attend or show interest. Tried everything. I am trying to remain positive, but it is frustrating since I can't do everything myself. Noone wants to help out at all. I do newsletters, frgsite, emails. I try to plan events that are childfriendly since we dont have alot of funds for childcare and still nothing. Noone wants to volunteer and help out noone wants to go spouses functions that we make child friendly. I have tried everything that I can do. There are spouses that refuse to get involved, refuse to answer or acknowledge emails and I know some of them dont have young kids at home nor do they work during the day. They are missing out. So I guess it is better to just have 4 or 5 people show up then alot that dont want to be there.
At our prior duty location we had free childcare provided in the same location as the meetings and events (it was a brand new center and it was great) and still some spouses complained and said they would only attend if a private sitter was hired to come to their house and watch their child in their house and these kids were not infants or toddlers they were like 4 and 5 years old. You can't please everyone.
personally i dont want to attend frg meetings when my husband is not deployed because we barely have time to spend as a family as it is after the long work hours and field time.. im not going to give up more family time to attend what i feel is an unneccessary meeting… our frg plans things like doing fundraisers that require us being away from our husband, and they wanted to have a bar-b-q as the guys came in from 2 weeks in the field.. our guys are tired, dirty, and just wanna go home, they dont wanna have to pay $5 for a hot dog at a bar-b-q that was funded by their money and wait while their wives are stuck at base cleaning up…. of course we dont want to be involved… the only thing most wives want from the army is more time with their husbands, things that interfere with that i find simply annoying and frustrating…
I would like like the FRG to contact me! I gave the FRG leader my email last december and never have heard anything.