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Mrs. Clause Must Be A Military Spouse by Candace Lindeman Faced with the prospect of spending another holiday alone, military spouses might recognize a kindred spirit this Christmas season: Mrs. Clause. She must be a military wife! (Yes, we know there’s not an “E” on the end of Santa Claus, but given the military’s penchant…
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Tag Archives: most visitedOriginally posted at Military.com – Check out my advisor columns on their site! Make Your Solider’s Spirits Bright Tara Crooks | November 21, 2007 Do you have a deployed soldier on your Christmas list? There won’t be a “ho-hum” holiday for your soldier with these great holiday care package ideas. I’ve captured the spirit of… great ideas i love it thank you.. this is goin out to my friend matt these are awesome ideas… thanks im sending them to my Airman ) these are awesome ideas… thanks im sending them to my Airman ) thank you soooo much for the ideas, Ill be working on it in addition to what I have already. Just hope it gets there in time for my boyfriend. I miss him sooo much. I am a school counselor and I am working on an idea with my military kids. We have modeled this after a book Flat Stanly, I blew up a picture of mom or dad, laminated it and we call it Flat Mom/Dad. the child then can take them anywhere they go, get a tree, shopping etc. They then journal about the places they took him or her. It has been a great project. check out http://www.thesoldiersfamily.com for many more great ideas for care packages all year long Ladies, I’ve been around searching for some “extra” ideas to add to our care package ideas list and have found some really FUN stuff…. First, is our general list from “Crooks & Henderson” then the rest that I have found (authors are noted if they were available). Please share any additions you find! Enjoy! Field… this is a great site, thank you very much! some more holiday themed ideas: thanksgiving- christmas- Good stuff. You should check out a website I used called http://www.soldiersend.com where soldiers can create a registry (wish list) of things they want. They seem to love it. I read something a while ago about a countdown clock that you can set up on your computer. It tells how much of the deployment you’ve been through vs. how much is left to go. Can anyone remind me of what that is and where to find it? (When I first read about it I… Dang! When we were at Bragg doing our Field Exercise someone announced their favorite. I thought I’d committed it to memory but didn’t. Anyways…Here’s what I found online for you:http://www.timeleft.info/http://www.tickercentral.com/tickertypes.phphttp://www.tickerfactory.com/ezticker/ticker_designer.phphttp://www.daisypath.com/These look pretty, though they’re not military…if that’s what you’re looking for.http://thecountdownclock.com/military-duty.asphttp://timer-countdown.qarchive.org/Don’t forget OPSEC!http://www.militaryspousesupport.net/boards/showthread.php?p=976030 When the hubby deployed last time the biggest rage among the wives at that time was the Deployment Donut which is a countdown and breaks deployment down into small accomplishments of time to help pass the time. It’s an excel format countdown. You should be able to google it and find it. I don’t currently have a link. Sorry but chin up and good luck The Worst Things You Can Say to a Woman Whose Husband is Deployed By Rebekah Sanderlin I have a lot of friends with husbands who are deployed right now. For most of them this is at least their second or third deployment to go through as a couple. So the other day I was talking… I have one to add to your list….”I wish I could send my husband away for 6 months.” or “I look forward to my husband leaving for awhile.” The first one is the worst. I have to admit, my jaw almost dropped when I got that one. I’m surprised at how many people say some version of the second phrase.Others that unindentionally hurt is “time really flies — has it really been __ months.” And “oh, 6 months isn’t so bad.” No matter the length, time doesn’t fly and it doesn’t get easier. This is my first visit to the site and I’m really glad I stumbled upon it. Number 3 is my biggest pet peeve. I know the news doesn’t cover Afghanistan like it does Iraq, however it amazes me how many people don’t get it. I mean really, what do they think our soldiers are doing over there, playing Monopoly?! I am sick and tired of hearing that phrase. I wish people would get a clue! My husband is not at Club Med, he is in a war zone, just as dangerous as Iraq. Unfortunately, the media and so many others have forgotten about that one. This is my first visit to the site and I’m really glad I stumbled upon it. Number 3 is my biggest pet peeve. I know the news doesn’t cover Afghanistan like it does Iraq, however it amazes me how many people don’t get it. I mean really, what do they think our soldiers are doing over there, playing Monopoly?! I am sick and tired of hearing that phrase. I wish people would get a clue! My husband is not at Club Med, he is in a war zone, just as dangerous as Iraq. Unfortunately, the media and so many others have forgotten about that one. I actually have a friend who, just after my husband left, started complaining about not seeing her boyfriend for 3 weeks. And when I said, “Um, my husband is leaving for 15 months. My heart bleeds for you,” — she said, for real — “That’s different. You’re married.”Surprisingly, she IS still my friend. I know what she meant to say was, I’m trying to move this relationship forward and that’s hard to do when we don’t have much time to spend together, and I’m worried it won’t work.But it didn’t come out that way, and I just about slapped her. What, I don’t worry because I’m married? I don’t miss him? It was hands-down the most insensitive thing I’d had someone say to me about my husband being gone. I actually have a friend who, just after my husband left, started complaining about not seeing her boyfriend for 3 weeks. And when I said, “Um, my husband is leaving for 15 months. My heart bleeds for you,” — she said, for real — “That’s different. You’re married.”Surprisingly, she IS still my friend. I know what she meant to say was, I’m trying to move this relationship forward and that’s hard to do when we don’t have much time to spend together, and I’m worried it won’t work.But it didn’t come out that way, and I just about slapped her. What, I don’t worry because I’m married? I don’t miss him? It was hands-down the most insensitive thing I’d had someone say to me about my husband being gone. Shortly after my husband left for 15 months, I had a friend start complaining about being unable to see her boyfriend for 3 weeks. When I let her know that was a little insensitive given my situation, she said this:“That’s different. You’re married.”Hands-down the most insensitve thing someone has ever said to me on the subject. I know she meant, ‘I’m struggling to move my relationship forward and it is so hard when we rarely see each other, while you have the security of knowing your husband loves you’ — but it came across as so rude, and so ridiculous, it was absolutely breath-taking. Please, be helpful and add “things to say.” I came to this site because I have been asked to say a few words “tonight” to a soldier’s farewell party. Great notice, huh? Nevermind that, how about things to say? Bob This list is perfect! My husband is a full time National Guardsman, and my civilian coworkers are always asking “when can he get out?” To me it seems like the real question is “When is he going to stop playing Army and get a real job?” My answer: he'll be eligible for retirement in 17 years! I have one to add, that for some reason, people like to say to me that I do not understand completely… I get so annoyed when people say these things… My sister-in law told me i dont know how you do it i would never want or let my husband to do that, I almost slapped her. I dont want my husband to deploy, i hate him being gone but thats his job and i support him, also i am so sick of people telling me oh i wish i could get rid of my husband for a week or so, those people just p*** me off, why is the heck (if you love them would you want to get rid of them) i dont even like to be with out my husband for a few hours while hes at work i mean yeah we are like most other couple and get aggrevated at each other but i still dont want him to go away. I totally agree with the women comparing business trips to deployments there simply is no comparison to deployments. (EX: oh i understand my husband had to go away for the weekend) WHAT you are seriously comparing a 2 day trip to a year deployment (people really P*** me off) Well thought i would give my 2 cents.. I'm so glad I stumbled on to this site. People can seem so insensitive at times even though they may mean well. How about a list of things you can say to army wives. Click the link..to go to that list This list is awesome! If only I could print it out and give it to every stupid person on the planet! My husband is currently over in Afghanistan serving and when he left my kids and I made calendars on poster board to cross off the days till he comes home as well as write all information down as to when we get a package, when he gets his package, letters, emails, phonecalls, and such. I even have room around the edges to post pictures and a clock above with his time on it! My neighbor came over one day and told me that I need to take those pics of him down because it is just a constant reminder that he is gone and may not be coming home! She had some nerve, she is lucky I did not kick her out of my house! What would you reccomend doing in that kind of situation with people that are just that ignaorant? I am so glad i found this site, I am a Royal Air Force wife in England and my husband is about to deploy to Afghanistan in 4 weeks for a 6 month tour for the 2nd time. Me and lots of the RAF wives were just saying the other day about all the stupid comments that are said to us when our husbands leave, i am tempted to put some of the comments on my facebook page just to make people aware that when my husband goes if any of these are said to me then i may reply with a sarcastic response. I am so glad I found your blog! My husband left for Afghanistan this month and the comments you get from people, even family, just hurt. Pretty much all of them were on this list, which made me smile. It helps to know that there are other women out there just as annoyed with peoples comments about their husbands as I am! My biggest pet peeve is when my girl friends make comments saying things like ” oh i haven't talked to troy all day i love my baby so much, when i can't talk to him i miss him so much” other things are when my friend compares my boyfriend to hers. my boyfriend is a u.s marine who is fighting for his country in afghanistan and trying to keep me happy back here it is not the same as your gang related boyfriend. Haha, wow, this site is awesome, I thought I was the only one who felt like people can be really insensitive. My husband is a marine and he left for a 7 month deployment in Iraq just two weeks after we got married. My biggest peeve is when people bring up war movies when they know your husband is gone. Like “oh, have you seen Jarhead?” “Yes, I have seen that movie… it's one I'm trying to completely erase from my mind right now, but thank you for bringing it back in all it's glory” I think the worst thing anyone ever did/said to me was when my sister took me to see the movie Stop-Loss right after my husband left. She was ticked off at him for something she should have laughed off and thought to get revenge. After I almost had to leave the theater, she apologized and said she never imagined it could be like that for him/me. Well, I forgave her, but I mean, seriously? The damage was already done. I think that movie made me even more paranoid and stressed out than I already was. But oh well, my husband is home safe, he and my sister are on better terms, so it's all water under the bridge. I thank each and every one of your men (and my husband)for the work they do and for keeping us safe. I also have the utmost respect for all of you wives for being strong and standing behind your men. Ooo-rah! I know the feeling. My husband and I got married on wedensday and he left thursday. So we basically had one night together as a newly weds and that night consisted of packing and preparing fir him to leave. It drives me up a wall when my sisters tell me “it's his choice for going over there. It's not like there's any approvements that are happening.” I almost beat my sister senseless. I basically stated that he and the many servicemen and women decided to enlist to make sure their family and others are safe. And it wasn't their choice to go. Who wants to go to a war zone to be shot at bombed and what not. It's just apart of their jobs that they all know and expect to make sure this country we live in continues to be the land of the free. Urg!!!! My number one is “Why are we even in Afghanistan?” I really hate it when people – and I've had this from a few very good friends – question the war itself, saying it's pointless or something like that. So, what, the huge sacrafice we're both making is all for nothing? I'm stressed, sad, lonely and anxious because my fiancee is away fighting a pointless war? Thanks. Haha this is so true!! My finacee is deployed to Afghanistan for a whole freaking year!! He just went to Iraq last year!! He does plan on re enlisting. I am a damn proud army wife and i hate it when people try to make me feel better by asking me silly questions that really irritate me inside. The people i cant stand the most are the peace loving hippies that protest against our military. It hurts me because my fiancee put his life on the line to fight for their freedom!! I also hate girls that whine when their bf leaves them for one day to visit their parents or something. Thats petty and i pitty those girls. Also, i dont want to hear the outsiders opinons on my fiancees job and the war. I do however appreciate support for our troops. My finacee works hard and makes a big risk everyday. He proudly stands in front of our flag and protects it and everything we stand for. We are a very patriotic and army strong family. If you cant stand behind our troops feel free to stand in front of them and put on the uniform, body armor and the boots and take a bullet for our country over in a war zone, also you can sleep in a hole for three days on a combat misson and eat MRE without a shower. Thanks all military wives!! You all are my sisters and i love you all. Good luck to you and your husbands!! We should all be very proud!! I have to add my most hated convo and it always seems to occur at the post office. Person ” how long as he been gone” me “6 months” person ” how olds your baby” me ” 3 1/2 months” person ” oh has he met him yet” me ” no he's been gone for 6 month” DO THE MATH PEOPLE!!!! They domt get VIP treatment over there and now the convo is me ” ya for 2 weeks on R&R” random person ” oh thats great I'm glad he got to know his son” … While your trying to be nice it's not great, it sucks and 2 weeks isn't enough time to get to know anyone especially when your referring to how mich time a dad sees his kid in a year!!! And people also say “I can't believe his missed the birth” I want to slap them right there cuz it's not like he had a choice or wanted to miss it. He would have given anything to be there and he was told he couldn't be there!!!! Ugh My husband is an infantry marine and left to afghanistan in January. Unfortunately, I've already heard everything on your list and the ones posted about “i wish I could send mine away”. People should really shut up about something they have no clue about. I've heard “God will bless him for serving our country and helping our freedom”. That is probably one of the most irritating ones. I don't feel like we're being blessed while he's being shot at and I'm losing sleep wondering if he's survived another day. He's not a soldier or an officer first. To me he's my husband and best friend first. That's who I married and that's who I'm missing. Don't people realize that??!! If that means I'm selfish, then I guess I am because everyone's “freedom”, including my own, is the LAST thing I think about when I think about where he is, why he's there, and if he's ok. One of my husbands friends asked me a few weeks what I did to “stay warm at night”. I was SO MAD! What kind of thing is that to ask??!!! But I pulled myself together and I looked him straight in the face and I told him “I snuggle my 45 at night”. I haven't heard from him since. I recently had my own sister tell me…”well thats what life is about, the choices we make & this is what he signed up for!” I was speechless & then I layed it into her! The worst comments was frmmy husband's own brother ” so what he s there,this is second tour anyway!!.I really wanted to hit him so hard. Im so glad i found this site! my husband left for afghanistan 4 weeks after our wedding and ive heard many of the phrases mentioned! my friend said “it'll make you appreciate him more” another said “ah well absence makes the heart grow fonder” and a third said ” its not the first time you should be used to it by now” the ignorance never fails to astound me! My husband just deployed to Kabul last month (9 month tour) and it's the first time for us that he has had to be gone for this long. Not only have I already heard every question and saying on your list, but I also get told alot that I'm “lucky” because he'll be making “SOO much money”… My husband is in Afghanistan and the worst comment I ever recieved was from the lady at the post office. She said, 'Ooooh, you're husband being away sounds like the perfect marriage.' WHAT?????? My husdand is due to leave for a hellmand province in 5 days. This will be his third deployment to afganistan his first two were in the military this one is not. The worst comment for me is “how do you feel about this?” I have voiced my objections very clearly to no avail. I persuaded him to retire 5 years ago so he wouldn't have to go back. The difference is this time he has not been ordered to go he is going by choice as a civilian supporting the troops. To say i was angry was an understatement. I know it's in his blood and he feels so alive doing what he loves with the guys who understand him but i don't really understand the need that drives him. I know I've coped before, i know i hated every day he was away, I will never forget the fear and worry ( he's been to multiple war zones in our 17 year marriage) I will miss him everyday but i'm also so very angry that he would choose to put his family through this again just when i thought we could be a normal family. I just hope we both survive this one intact. I'm not hopeful. I had an aunt tell me that it has to be so much easier for me because we were “only” married for a year the first time he deployed and our baby was “just” a baby, how it would be much more difficult for her since she's been married for almost 20 years and she's so used to having her husband always around. Grrr! I was so offended by her comments, I couldn't even respond to her. I'm glad to have stumbled on this site as well. It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling resentment towards peoples ignorance even if it is family… Patience! Patience! I have to say that this is the first site that I can really say touches all the areas of how annoying some of these questions people ask or things some people say to me when they realize that my husband is deployed. One of the many hurtful things are when they say “how can you be with someone in the military” Like aren't we all humans. I resent the ignorance of some people and they say these things without the mental capacity that they are hurting you. My amazing husband to be is current in Afghanistan and this is my first exp. of tours his 9th. All I can say is people really dont think before they speak. We are fortunate to be able to email daily and speak once a week something alot of his collegues in other locations cant do. What I will say is its been the most emotional experience every. I have three children from a previous relationship and I thought that was a difficult time in my life. Hubby to be is home in eight weeks and I cannot wait. Dont get me wrong we nearly didnt make it as a couple the stress and strain worry of being apart and the want to be together and cant nearly broke us. I've heard already so many relationships which have ended while on tour. I'm so greateful we are strong and do support each other even when we both hit rock bottom the heart breaking part is he has hardly had any contact from family its taken as its his job he will get on with it and its these comments i get so many times that I want to loose the plot. They are all good at their job amazin and not awarded enough for what they do. My hubby did have RNR leave and to see him struggle to relax the first week was heart breakin and as soon as he settles down use to civi life he had to get back on a plane and go out there again. One comment was he must be driving us crazy after having 4 months peace and quite. How rude and disrectful to say such a thing. One thing I have learned is to cherish every second of every day never take your loved one for granted and I will no longer moan about my train being delayed into London every morning now I say so what I'm alive I have my health and I know I will get there eventually. And in eight weeks my hubby to be is home to plan our wedding this summer and I will never let him go again. Day 3 in of my soldiers 6 month tour of afghan, its his second tour but my first of experience of it (and hopefully the last). First day he was there and 6 soldiers were killed My husband,a reservist, is heading down range in a few months but not to Afghanistan, instead he is off to Gitmo. I have heard so many people say to me well at least he isn’t going to Afghanistan as this somehow negates the fact that my husband is going to be gone for an extended period of time. It’s never easy to be without your spouse whether it is a short TDY or a long extended tour. I have to say when people say things like this to me I never feel more alone! Neither my family or my in-laws like the military and I don’t know anyone who understands my choice to support my husband. as the mother of a deployed Army son I also agree with these statements. they are the worst things you can say to anybody….parent, husband, wife, or child. I have one deployment under my belt and I totally agree with these statements no matter how many deployments you have been through with your spouse they get annoying. I have one to add I got asked why I married my husband knowng what was going on and I told them I knew what I was getting into and he didn’t sugar coat it plus you can’t help who you fall in love with. The best thing to say, “I want you to know I appreciate your families sacrifice and here is my number. Call me and I will watch your children while to go to the commissary, or just to have some time to yourself for a couple hours. Your husbands dedication does not go unnoticed” Thx. Oh you can bet I am heaven bound I’m a Proud Army Wife, blessed that my husband hasn’t had to deploy since we’ve been married. I have close friends whose husbands are on their 5th deployment. I do NOT understand how you ladies feel, and neither do civilian wives. Don’t be too harsh on them. They don’t mean to be rude; they just don’t know WHAT to say. Before I met my husband I had NO clue of military life at ALL. Now, my heart goes out to all of you spouses and children whose fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers are deployed. I’ll never understand completely how you feel, but I do love and care for each of you and if I say something stupid or something that offends you, know that I never meant to do that. My husband is currently deployed, I can relate! The one that stuns me the most is, “aren’t you afraid he will get killed!”. It was very painful when my kids were asked by other kids if they were afraid their Dad would die. It was hard to hear ohters ask what was “wrong” with my child when he was having anxiety issues. According to them, he needed to “get over” and accept his Dad would be gone for at least a yr. You never get “used to it.” Ill be praying for Daniel, Mari that is horrible!! Those kids are lucky our boys weren’t there or they would’ve got bussup!!! JD, we miss you Kid!!! How is he??? Mari, people are rude, cruel and it floors me when seeing some idiot speaking to our next Generation, telling them to get over it! I know that I should stop and say a prayer upon it happening….but sometimes the HUMAN in me takes over! GROWL! Where is he going now? One year ? People don’t get it. That’s why it’s important for the kids to have friends who are military Tagalongs too. Because trying to be compassionate & understanding from experience are two majorly different things. People have good helpful intentions but no experience. Military life is a whole different world. I do believe people try to be helpful, and their good intentions and Desire to say something -people have no idea that your kid wasn’t thinking about horrible things he’d seen on CNN -and for 30 mins was just being a kid… Till some idiot asked, “Where’s your dad?” I have a cousin that I love dearly that I think her husband has had at least 6 deployments an I always say number 2 to her because I am very proud of how strong of a woman she is. How she manages with 4 children away from her family. |
I can't stand being asked if I need anything. Like I walk around with a list of things I need people to do. Any military wife knows that you just do what has to be done and while the list gets bigger and bigger you still know that this is how you'll do it and it'll get done. Somehow we become perfect multitaskers even if we weren't before. I guess they mean well, but to me talk is cheap. If these people really care, then they'll notice on their own what I might need and won't ask, they'll just take the initiative to do it. 163 days left till my man is stateside!! And I can't wait!!
. Ive heard most of those comment already, “it'll fly by” does not feel like that at all, everyday seems an eternity, 'its not as bad as it used to be' which according to the news right now is totally wrong. A colleague who had a row with her fella said to me on Tuseday 'i wish i coold send him to the front line instead' they have no idea whats it like. Ive realised in the last few days how much i took my man for granted, how i moaned about silly things he did that annoyed me,never again, ill appreciated every single second when he returns home. This is the most exruciating painful time of my life and i honestly dont know how ill get through it.He's my family, my best friend and my life. ill treasure him when he comes home, and never let him go again!© Army Wife Network 2005-2012 Individual blog posts and opinions are that of post author and do not necessarily reflect that of Army Wife Network. Army Wife Network and Loving A Soldier are in no way affiliated with the Department of Defense (DoD) or any branch of the Armed Services and inclusion on this site does not reflect endorsement by the DoD, any local government or their agencies. |ProPhoto Photographer Blog by NetRivet Blogs
Hi,Glad you enjoyed…though I did not submit the piece with the “e” on the end…and am frankly a little embarrassed it was published that way! I’ll pretend, like you, that the humor was an intentional military joke.