I can’t remember much of anything.
Seriously. It’s not one of my finer traits.
But I can remember exactly what I wore, exactly where I was, exactly who I was with, and exactly how I felt every single time my soldier has deployed.
It begins in the morning. You groggily get out of bed wishing the morning hadn’t come so early, as time rapidly depletes. You try to act like it’s just like every other day, but you know it’s not. Fear and worry overwhelm you as you cry through an entire hot shower. You get dressed and continue daily activities as he goes through is final bag check list. You watch him as you struggle to control your mind from going “there”...
I remember that feeling. Doesn’t matter which time it was that he deployed – that feeling was still the same. I’m there again. Mostly anxious that this day will soon arrive, and a bit angry that I cannot control my own mind.
Why is this important? Because I want to share with you that…
It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve done it. (This will be our 4th separation and 3rd deployment.)
It doesn’t matter where you are in you life. (We’ve been a military family for 14 years.)
It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. (I co-founded Army Wife Network)
And It doesn’t matter how much you love this life. (I co-authored 1001 Things to Love about Military Life)
Unfortunately, nothing short of him not leaving can make that feeling go away.
I have decided instead of fighting that feeling, I will embrace it. It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel blessed to have the opportunity to love someone so much that I literally feel sick inside at the thought of being without them.
Now, if I can just remember.